School on the Beach, anybody?

There is a saying that suggests that if you give someone an inch, they will take a mile. Well, it certainly happened on Bournemouth beach yesterday. The moment the announcement came that we would get our metre back (social distancing is to be reduced from two metres to one) the great British public decided in their wisdom that they would take about 1.99 metres instead. Zero social distancing. Hello Second Wave. Goodbye getting back to school in September.

With people being so totally irresponsible any chance of getting everyone back to school in September is slipping away. Look at the number of school-aged children in the picture. So, how about we bring these Summer Catch-Up Programmes forward a month or two and go and run them on the beach? Let's face it - if only five on that beach have the virus then, by teatime, there will be at least another fifty ... and by this time next week maybe 5,000? A fortnight from now and they'll all be ill. Best get down to the promenade with your exercise books post haste.

There's little time to act. It's time for Summer Catch-It School! A bit like a beach mission without the God bit. Bring all your children down to the front in Brighton / Bournemouth / Bridlington / Bognor Regis and we'll teach them to read and write while infecting one another with COVID-19. Then, at the end of the day, they can go home, meet up with their grandparents and probably kill them.

And as for you teachers, we're relying on you to volunteer! We'll provide full PPE and complete lesson plans along with all the resources you'll need. It'll look great on your CV. So, what are you waiting for? Get your suitcase packed with a few sticks of chalk, some tissues and a change of underwear and sign up. We'll be starting up as soon as the hotels open on 4 July.

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